Welcome to my emotional rollercoaster.
Being scared of visiting my own country
I don’t want to forget the fact that I was scared of visiting my own country just because I stand by rights and justice. I am an ordinary citizen who exercises her right to free speech regarding the unfortunate events occurring in Turkey.
After reading the news about people being arrested at the airport because of the content that they created, just like me, and being threatened by some random people on social media because of the posts that I shared, I started to question my decision to come to Turkey. Can you believe this?
I spent the last couple of weeks before my trip thinking:
“Why am I scared of visiting my own country?”
“What did I do to my country except try to be a good citizen by contributing to society?”
“I should stop sharing ‘risky’ content.”
“This is not a good time. I don’t want to miss my friend’s wedding, and I miss my parents so much.”
This is also what my parents suggested on the phone: “Please do not share anything from now on; people are getting arrested just because they liked some posts on Instagram.” Can you believe this?
I said, “Okay!” I was scared.
While writing this newsletter, I am currently in Turkey. However, I didn’t share my location on Instagram, keeping my content as minimal as possible so that I can leave the country securely. Can you believe this?
Hopefully, when you are reading this newsletter, I will feel relieved somewhere in the world outside of Turkey.
Such a shame.
Watching a human grow
In March 2023, a little human joined our family, and our family has changed forever, for the better:) I am getting to know the new version of my parents, my brother, my sister-in-law, my husband, and, of course, myself. This is exciting, but what is even more exciting is getting to know this little human being. He definitely has a personality, a strong character. Super handsome, but cute at the same time. Ahh…
Experiencing things for the first time with him is just heartwarming.
90% of our conversations are about him, loving this new session of our lives.
Listening to my parents’ dreams about this little human being melts my heart.
My dad’s dream is to see him study at Cambridge University. He visited Cambridge two years ago and fell in love with the city and the university, of course. He said, “Maybe I won’t be able to see those days, but please support him, he would shine at the Cambridge University.” (Yes, I am crying while writing this part of the newsletter.)
Forever friendships
The main reason for my trip to Turkey was to attend my friend’s wedding.
We went to the primary school together, and then during high school, he became one of my best friends. Basically, we have been friends since 1998.
Almost 30 years… unbelievable.
Although we sometimes lost our connection, it didn’t matter. Whenever we met again after not talking for a couple of years, we caught up in just a couple of hours and felt like nothing had changed in our friendship.
I have a few friends like this one. I am lucky.
Of course, this wedding was also a great opportunity for me to see many old friends, which was heartwarming. After my own wedding in 2019, I didn’t have a chance to see some of my friends. We all came together for this wedding.
This wedding hit different because we are not super young anymore. Realizing my childhood friends are getting older made me realize that I am getting old.
Also, this was probably the last wedding that felt like a big party with all of my best friends from my childhood.
So, I cherished every moment.
I mean, literally, I was either dancing or chatting with my old friends from 7 pm to 3 am.
I am an introvert, so this was beyond my capabilities. But, you know what, at 3 am, I still had the energy; we all did. If the DJ had not stopped, we would have continued dancing till morning.
Maybe I’m not an introvert, but when I became an adult, I couldn’t find my people who would energize me; who knows?
Thoughts I am left with after 10 days
I no longer belong to Turkey.
Where is home?
How long will it take for my country to recover?
When did people in my hometown become so disrespectful?
Are we really a third-world country?
Are my friends’ homes in Istanbul safe enough?
The most hardworking person that I know is my mom.
…
Cheers,
Sidika
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