5 Years of Marriage
Three lessons that I have learned.
Being a PhD student is hard, but if there is something harder than being a PhD student, it is being the partner of a PhD student. Indeed, that’s why I have dedicated my PhD thesis to Güven:
“To Güven for his unconditional love and support.
…
Last but not least, words cannot express my gratitude to my husband, Güven, who has taken care of us during this difficult journey. I feel extremely lucky to have you in my life. Thank you for being my family and best friend, and for helping me improve every day in many ways.”
So, I should start this newsletter by thanking Güven again for being so patient with me during the first 5 years of our relationship.
In this newsletter, I would like to share a few important things that I have learned about healthy relationships during our 5-year marriage, 7-year relationship in total, while respecting Güven’s boundaries about how much I can share about our personal life:)
You don’t find a good partner or end up in a healthy relationship by luck; you build it together with your partner. And it is hard work.
I think there is a common misbelief that some people happen to end up in a healthy relationship by chance, but this is not correct. You really need to be a good team with your partner to build the relationship together. Regarding the effort required, I don’t think building a healthy relationship with your partner is different than building a successful professional career, and indeed, the former is harder.
So, take it seriously, put enough effort into building that dream relationship with your partner.
You need to align your goals.
I strongly believe that as soon as you realize that you are in a serious relationship, you start talking about what your dream life looks like, where you want to live in the future, what your financial goals are, what it takes to reach these goals, whether you want to have children, and so on.
For example, if one partner wants to spend all the money they earn and lives life as if there is no future while the other’s goal is financial freedom, this will be a very tiring relationship for both and very unlikely to be a healthy one.
Let your partner thrive and be the biggest support.
Life has seasons. In some seasons, you need to focus on yourself to achieve your goals; in others, your partner needs to focus on themselves to achieve their goals. If the most important person in your life, which is your partner, does not support you, there is no way that you will be able to achieve your goals. So, depending on the session, partners should support each other in every possible way. Otherwise, unhappiness is unavoidable.
That’s why, when I look around, I can either see couples thriving together or couples living miserable lives together.
I hope this newsletter helps my young readers set realistic and healthy expectations about a romantic relationship.
If you are in a long-term relationship, what have you learned so far? Please share in the comments below.
Cheers,
Sidika