How to make a hard decision?

Is thinking about it enough?

In the last few weeks, I have been in the process of making a hard decision. As this is an important decision about my professional life and career, I have been thinking about it a lot recently. Making any big decision is not easy, but it is even more difficult to make a decision that deviates from the “normal” path or what is expected of me.

Of course, I cannot know whether I am making the right decision or not before making it, but I can definitely improve my decision-making process. This is what I am trying to do regarding this decision. To ensure that I consider most possible scenarios and that I am okay with the possible outcomes, I have been following a few steps.

Writing down my thoughts and feelings about the decision

Making a hard decision is an overwhelming process. There are a lot of things that I need to consider. Sometimes, actually most of the time, thinking is not enough. I need to write down my thoughts so that I can clearly see what they are. So, to make this hard decision, I wrote down my reasons for making it. Why do I want to make this decision? How will I feel if I do not make it? How will I feel if I do? What are the potential outcomes?

Talking with my therapist about my thought process

I also shared my thought process with my therapist. The reason is that I sometimes do not trust myself when making a decision. Am I being too emotional? Am I rational enough? Are there any flaws in my decision process? Is this an overreaction?

Although this decision is about my professional life and career, my reasons for making it are not completely professional or logical. I am not saying that making this decision does not make any sense, but it has an emotional element. That’s why I wanted to go through my thought process and feelings with my therapist, as she is very good at helping me recognize what I really think and feel.

Do I really need the approval of my therapist? If not, why does it feel so assuring? How can I be okay with seeking the approval of people whom I really trust and respect? These are topics for another newsletter:)

Getting advice from a mentor

After talking with my therapist, I also wanted to talk with one of my mentors. It is not easy to ask for others’ opinions when it comes to making a hard decision because I should believe that they will not tell me what to do but instead will challenge my thought process, which will then help me make a better decision, but still completely my own.

In academia, I haven’t met many people who do not have strong opinions about the way things should be, and I don’t like getting advice from those who think the best way to live life is the way they are living it. Luckily, I have a mentor who is completely opposite. He is a very open-minded person, and he always challenges the thought process instead of the decision itself. Because at the end of the day, this is my life, and I am the decision maker.

When I first shared my decision, he first explained why he disagreed with me. Although this is not ideal, I know that a good mentor does not always agree with me. Then, we talked more about the details, my reasoning, what I think, how I feel; and he proposed an alternative decision for me to consider, which I am still thinking about.

Overall, I learnt the hard way that important decisions require a serious decision-making process. My process includes thinking about the decision thoroughly, writing down my thoughts and feelings, sharing them with people I trust and admire, and then making my own decision in light of the information that I have.

Just thinking is not enough.

What does your decision process look like? Please share it in the comments.

Cheers,

Sidika