Nobody is perfect.

And that's okay.

I have been reading “Everything is F*cked” by Mark Manson recently. If you follow me on YouTube or Instagram or read my newsletter a few weeks ago, you know I like Mark Manson. I love his book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck,” his YouTube videos, and podcasts. (You can listen to "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" for free with a 30-day trial of Audiobook. Follow this link: https://amzn.to/44MuGuv. Highly recommended! )

Unfortunately, I didn't like his latest book “Everything is F*cked.” I've been trying to read and enjoy this book for a week, but it just doesn’t work for me. I find it written in a very confusing way. The messages are unclear, and while reading the book, I often felt tired trying to make sense of it. So, I decided to stop reading this book and move on. 📚

Then, I asked myself: “Does this book make me dislike Mark Manson?” Of course not! I still believe he is an amazing writer, one that I aspire to be. I still look forward to his new YouTube videos and podcasts every week, and I enjoy following him on Instagram for some daily wisdom. 😊

This reminded me of a feeling I experienced about six years ago. I just wanted to give you some background. Before starting my PhD, I was lucky to be surrounded by people I aspired to be like. In addition to respecting and loving them, I really liked how they were living their lives, so I often found myself thinking, “I want to be like X.” Of course, I didn't know every detail about their lives, but what I could observe was enough to inspire me. These people were some of my teaching assistants and professors at the Department of Industrial Engineering at Middle East Technical University (METU).

After starting my PhD, I couldn’t find anyone like them. Someone I could aspire to be. This was frustrating because it's easier to know what to do next when you have someone to aspire to be. Then, I realised that I was not alone. This is part of being an adult. As you grow up, you build your image of how you should live, and nobody fits perfectly into this image. 🌱

Luckily, this doesn't mean we cannot have mentors or role models. However, we need to change how we approach these concepts. Instead of trying to find someone we can fully aspire to be so that we can say, “I want to be like X,” we can see different mentors and role models who inspire us in various aspects of our lives, so we can say, “I want to be like X in being Y.” 🌟

Here are a few examples:

• I want to be like X and be active when I am old. I want to be able to ski, surf, run, and do yoga when I am 70. 🧘‍♀️

• I want to be like Y in being open-minded and not taking academia too seriously. 🎓

• I want to be like Z in being creative and not caring about what others think of me. 🎨

• I want to be like T and be a good storyteller and writer. ✍️

And the list goes on…

Nobody is perfect, and neither are our mentors nor role models. It is okay to aspire to them for something while not liking what they do in another aspect.

Just let go and focus on what inspires you. ✨

Cheers,

Sidika