Seasons of life.

“Life transforms a person in some way, I guess. I don't know if it's something that comes with age, but after achieving so much academically and having built an international career at 37, I put it all aside and dedicated myself solely to reading books—and I'm much happier.”

This is a message that I received this week from a lovely follower, which made me realize, once again, that life has seasons. We often think that we should have one purpose in our lives and stick to that purpose. But, whenever you talk with someone who is someone older than you, you see that what you want from life changes over time.

When I was a child, the purpose of my life was to make my parents happy, especially my mom. After seeing the sacrifices that she made for my brother and me, what else could be my purpose?

I knew that my academic success could make my parents happy, so as far as I remember, academic success was the primary purpose of my life during my childhood. Not surprisingly, when I was 14, my purpose became to get into a good high school.

During high school, I slowly started to realize that this was my life, so in addition to caring about what made my parents happy, I should begin to think about what made me happy: I wanted a good, happy life in the future. As I was told that academic success would bring me a happy life, I just kept doing what I was doing until I was 18.

Since I was also told that getting into the best universities was necessary for a happy life, the purpose of my life when I was 17 and 18 became ranked among the best in the university entrance exam.

In the first few years of the university, the purpose of my life became just to have fun. I thought that after 12 years of hard work, I deserved it.

It didn’t take long because just having fun is not a sustainable purpose in life. It is just not enough, at least for me. So, I somehow went back to my original purpose: academic success. This time, it was not only to make my parents happy but also to land a good job after graduation.

So, during most of my university life, the purpose of my life became ranking 1st in my department while also having fun and gaining as much experience as possible.

When I graduated, being a research and teaching assistant was my goal. During my master’s studies, my goal was to get good grades so that I could find a PhD position in top universities. And in the first of my PhD, my goal became to be a good researcher in addition to getting good grades.

Looking back, do I think that making academic success the primary purpose of my life was a good idea? I don’t think so. Later in my life, I learned the hard way that academic success has little to no correlation with living a good life. But, this information was not available to me during my early 20s.

Another problem is that it is not easy to leave your current purpose of life behind and find a new one. So, until the second year of my PhD (I was 26), academic success was the primary purpose of my life.

When I was 26, I realized that this could not be the purpose of my life. Let’s say I would become a good researcher and hopefully create some impact. SO WHAT? I was super unhappy, alone, crying almost every day, and wasn’t healthy and wasn’t taking care of myself.

Was this the life that I wanted? Was this the life that I worked so hard for years and years? Surely not.

It didn’t end here. I am currently 33, so I have a lot to say about the purposes of my life between 26 and 33 and for the future.

See you next week!

Cheers,

Sidika