Arrival Fallacy
“The arrival fallacy is the false assumption that reaching some achievement or goal will create durable feelings of satisfaction and contentment in our lives.”
Sahil Bloom
This week, I started reading “The 5 Types of Wealth”1 by Sahil Bloom. Inspired by what I read on just the first couple of pages, I shared the following post on my Instagram.
Life is simply the sum of the days we live.
If we can't find happiness and peace in our daily lives, the joy we get from reaching goals, often shaped by societal pressure and not truly our own, is fleeting, like a flash in the pan.
It took me about 30 years to realize that when I don’t enjoy the journey, reaching the destination brings no real happiness.
I hope it takes you less time than it took me.
I already knew that I was not alone in feeling this, but the comments and messages that I received are just amazing. Here is just a few of them:
“I'm going through a similar phase.
Yes, everything looks good on the outside—I'm doing my PhD abroad as a METU graduate.
But the struggles have simply changed shape. The anxiety about the future is still there.
The question "What comes next?" still lingers.
I think we need to learn that happiness isn't something we'll own in the future—
It's something we need to find in the present.”
“I completely relate, hocam. We've clearly walked similar academic paths, and it sounds like we’re close in age too—I'm just a year ahead of you :)
My turning point came after I landed a position at a university in Canada, I had dreamt about for years—and even received an award there.
It was a dream come true. But the moment I held that award in my hand, I realized that this wasn’t the destination.
At 31, I came to understand that when your loved ones are far away, even the sweetest successes can carry a bitter aftertaste.
In those exact moments, it’s so important to step back, take a breath, give ourselves a little smile, maybe even a pat on the shoulder, and say:
"You’ve done well. You’re enough." 🫶🏼”
“Hocam, I’m in search of something too.
I’m growing tired of a settled, routine life.
I want to set sail, to enjoy life more freely.
I’ve come to realize that some of the dreams I built over the years might not bring me real happiness.
Instead, exploring, traveling, and discovering new places—those are the things that truly fulfill me. 🙌
Sometimes, I think that maybe I built my own unhappiness.
We’re raised in a culture that glorifies endurance over joy—we’re constantly told to “just endure.”
But now, at 28, I’ve started choosing to live with fulfillment.
Yes, we learn by making mistakes. But our society tells us, “Never make a mistake.”
How else are we supposed to understand life?
For me, life means the Mediterranean, the Aegean, nature, geography…
Wandering, discovering, being on the road.
Right now, I’m a civil servant living a settled life in the East.
And perhaps, I had to come all the way here—to study at a faculty of education in the East—to truly discover all this.”
“I’m 27 now.
After finally making it to the U.S.—a dream I’d held onto for so long—I found myself crying on the phone with my sister.
And she said something that hit me hard:
“Abla, you don’t know how to enjoy the process. You’re always focused on the outcome. That’s why you’re never happy in the moment.”
Deep down, I think I already knew it. But hearing it from her made it crystal clear.
I’ve tried so many things, accomplished a lot (at least from the outside).
But was I ever truly happy? Unfortunately, no.
Even my therapist once said it. I’ve seen it on Instagram posts too:
“If you don’t learn to be happy where you are, you won’t find happiness anywhere you go.”
And that’s exactly how it’s been for me.
I always believed that once I escaped, once I reached the other side of the world, everything would magically fall into place.
But it didn’t.
What I’ve noticed about people who are happy is exactly what you said—they find joy in the little things, the details of everyday life.
I think I tend to focus on the negative, on the half-empty glass.
And because of that, I miss the beauty of the moment.
I just want to reach the finish line… but when you’re unhappy the whole way there, reaching it doesn’t bring joy either.
So here we are. We’ve realized all this.
But the real question is—how do we actually move past it? 🥲”
“No matter where we arrive—even if it's the place we've dreamed of the most—
There’s always a quiet mourning that begins in that moment.
Because every beginning is also an ending, it’s a farewell to what once was.
That’s why those who seek true happiness should focus on enjoying the road they walk.
Every hardship carries its own hidden beauty.
And in the end, it’s the struggle itself that brings real joy. 👏”
And many more inspiring stories and realizations…
This is the first newsletter we wrote together.2
Thank you so much for sharing your valuable insights with me and others!
Cheers,
Sidika
https://amzn.to/4iMHiaz
Thank you, ChatGPT, for beautiful translations from Turkish to English.